A Father’s Birth Story
Pregnancy is a time of great Possibility… It’s not just the creation of a Person but also creation of the Parent. While the father writes the Birth story of his princesses it apparent how he becomes the father of this child. The changes are both apparent and subtle…
Myra’s birth story
- Neha and Rohit Sharma
Neha and I greeted the news of our daughter’s conception with a lot of joy and nervousness. There were many questions that both of us had. We were looking for a child birth educator and “Lamaze” was something that appealed to my left brain, however for some reasons we did not take up those classes offered by our hospital.
Those were hot months of April, May, June 2010 and Neha was going through the most irritable state of being in first trimester but bravely managing home and self, while I was flying to Mumbai every week for my project.
Divya’s name was suggested by Neha’s bhabhi, Shweta and she highly recommended Hypnobirthing course with Divya. Being the rationally wired engineer, I was skeptical when I heard of the term “Hypno Birthing”. I had associated the word hypnosis with sundry magicians and parlor tricks and was barely aware of the therauptic applications of hypnosis.
However, time was running out and we decided to meet Divya on a balmy August evening at GK. She was kind enough to accommodate us on a short notice and gave us a very patient explanation of the concept. However, we were not convinced that this is right for us. Neha had always felt that the suggestions do not work for her and she cannot vividly visualize herself in a particular situation even if she tries. Divya gave us an option of doing 1 session with her, and then decide. We both agreed.
The first session on a fateful Sunday changed all that. The lemon visualization Divya gave us was extremely powerful and we were immediate converts to Hypnobirthing. Divya also explained a lot of things scientifically including the evolution of Hypnobirthing and how Mrs Mongan conceived the course. The Hypnobirthing CD was an immediate hit with Neha and she found it to have an amazingly soothing effect on her.
Divya explained to us that the imagery about child birth that we carry in our minds is a product of popular media and far from the truth or real possibilities for women. Our thoughts are shaped by the media we consume and the thoughts then shape our body’s physical responses. We can vouch for the truth of this statement. Before we met Divya, Neha had almost all the pregnancy symptoms described in “What to expect when you are expecting”, with a healthy dose of education and positive imagery from Divya, all these vanished after just two sessions of Hypnobirthing. Then on, Neha’s pregnancy was calmer, she was able to handle the occasional morning sickness and heartburns. Most of all she became confident about her natural abilities and instincts to deal with the process of having a baby.
We started bonding with our baby, Divya shared a CD about baby’s life in the womb and how the baby recognizes voices of parents. She also gave us various handouts. The one which worked most for me was “A father’s promise”. I was greatly moved by it and would read it to Myra often. 
Neha started practicing her breathing exercises. I got my project changed to Delhi and started spending more time with Neha. Sessions with Divya drilled into us the significance of the opportunity to bond with baby and each other. Medically everything was fine, all tests were good, baby was gaining weight.
Then in September third week, we had our first scare. Neha was getting motions frequently and when we went for a routine scheduled check up. Suddenly our doctor asked Neha to get admitted for overnight observation as she sensed risk of pre-term. I remember speaking to Divya and her advising us to let doctor observe Neha and be satisfied with tests. We went through the night long NST, drips and injections. I realized how the medical system takes over, and how we were woefully inadequate to fully comprehend and respond to the situation at hand, as nurses went about doing their thing as if on an auto-pilot. Though morning was cheerful and by afternoon we were back at home.
The incident gave us a lot to think about. In some way it was a dress rehearsal of what can go on during the time of actual delivery. We realized that we need to be better prepared, ask more questions to Divya, read the Hypnobirthing book with sincerity and be sure about our birth preferences. I also realized that I need to be assertive and ask the right questions to medical professionals.
We completed all our Hypnobirthing sessions by October end. Neha and I moved to Punjabi Bagh, from where our hospital was close by. Divya offered to come and talk to our doctors about Hypnobirthing. The three doctors were receptive to the concept and I think Divya made an impression on them with her reasoned talk. As a result doctors agreed to various requests, and were more open to our queries as they sensed we are serious about preparations and preferences, and comprehend the effort required from our side as well.
We were extremely fortunate in getting probably the best team of doctors to work with us during the course of entire pregnancy. This was a panel of 3 Gynae-obstetricians, and Neha had very good vibes with her doctors. They were most competent, receptive and caring set of medical professionals I have ever seen. I have nothing but appreciation for the team of Dr. Varma, Dr Nitika and Dr. Poonam at Max Healthcare Pitampura.
However, when you are going through a pregnancy, new mothers around you share their experiences which are not always all pleasant. Many people told us that it’s almost impossible to have a natural birth in our hospital. That the hospital goes for C-section at the slightest sight of risk and so on. The constant deluge of negative news dented our optimism once again.
We foolishly contemplated changing the doctors. And so around a week before EDD, we called Divya and shared our fears with her, she re-assured us and said we are well equipped to go through the process of labour and delivery now. She also re-affirmed Neha’s faith and instincts in the doctors. We came back renewed after the kind meeting at Siri Fort Café.
The labor pain started 3 days before EDD, and we went to the hospital for a checkup. Neha was once again asked to be admitted for observation. The doctor said that it seems as if water has broken though she was not sure, and we should get labor induced. Both Neha and I were firm footed that we did not want to get labor induced, and we went through the sonography and NSTs. The sonography results showed adequate liquor and baby weighing more than 4 kgs (with 10% margin of error). We went home happily next morning. This time was much more peaceful than the September hospital visit.
A day after the real labor started, on 27 Nov 2010 morning. Neha continued her breathing exercises and we delayed going to the hospital till 5 pm evening when her surges became more frequent. It was going well till 10:30 in the night, when our doctor came and said you are doing well and lets wait till 5:00 am. Neha was very courageous, we had put on the hypnobirthing affirmations on our laptop in the labour room, and she was changing positions as learned in the HypnoBirthing course.
By 1:00 in the night, Neha was getting exhausted and throwing up. I was worked up with emotions, and it was only hospital’s night staff on duty, our regular doctors were supposed to come back only in the morning or if the junior doctor feels that its time. The junior doctor on duty was skeptical of our efforts and made a disparaging remark, which discouraged us. I called up Divya and she was at her best helping self even past midnight. We must have called her at least 20 times between 12:00 and 6:00 am. The kind of care and commitment she provided was beyond expectations. We consulted her at every step, and with her advise we got the doctor for ARM at around 5:00 am. The surges now became almost unbearable for Neha, but she was resolute.
Around 6:00 am our regular doctors came to the hospital and Neha was taken to Delivery room. The doctors (Dr. Nitika and Dr. Poonam) were very pleased with the situation, and commended Neha for having the courage to go through the natural cycle. They said she looked all poised for a natural delivery. Doctor asked Neha to do squatting to bring baby down.
And then 15 mins later Myra was born, a healthy child of around 3.5 kgs, she recognized my voice as soon as she was born. Her eyes were open and she was looking at doctors and nurses, amused and happy. Neha said that all her pains have magically vanished, and she went to a peaceful sleep, waking up during the day occasionally. Divya visited us at the hospital the next morning. We could feel her immense love for baby Myra, the way she held her.
Neha and Myra were discharged the very next day from the hospital requiring absolutely no medical assistance apart from routine instructions and vaccinations.
In the hindsight going to Divya and doing the Hypnobirthing course was the best step we have taken during Neha’s pregnancy. We should have joined the course pretty early rather than waiting for 5th month. Also we should have taken the birth preferences sheet more aggressively.
The amount of change in belief system and sticky education that happened during those 5 sessions is un-believable. Best of all it gave us a life long friend, philosopher and guide in the angelic Divya Deswal.
