The Independents !!!

From the time I had my own kids, there is this idea of an baby who is independent. Like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, I have yet to see one. No one actually has. 

The formula is the magic potion the transform human babies into independent babies. No other mammal has that potential, only humans. 

There are many benefits to starting just one TOP feed apparently. 

1. Baby will get used to the bottle

2. Baby will be well fed and sleep better 

.

.

. It is quite a list 

But the best of them all 

Baby will become independent ...

One very frustrated day, I decided to test the independent baby theory. Just to clarify, I wasn't frustrated with the baby or breastfeeding. That was going great and wonderful. I was frustrated with the top feed advice coming hard and fast every time the baby so as much moved. I got a new bottle and formula and sat on the dinning table with my baby. After seeing me sitting there for an hour or so, every one began to gather around asking what was wrong. 

It is said I had an evil smile on my face, when I said, well, I am waiting for the baby to get his food ... It's Top feed aka formula and let's see when he will sterilise the bottle, boil the water and get his feed...

I guess everyone avoided me after that except my dad, he found it hilarious. He is a baby friendly person. 

Well that was that ... 

When I went to work with new moms and baby, it was the same thing over and over again. This advice to make the baby independent was all over the place. As I sat with this mum in her room I saw the mother and the mother in law hovering around, the young mom looked at them for help, care, assurance, love and I wondered... We depend on our mothers' families all our life... We as adults are not independent of them. In fact, we are depending on our 'mother' for advice and support for making our child independent.... 

I hear you baby !!!

The world is changing at a tremendous pace. We are into 'nano' of everything. The instantaneous -isty of an instant. And perhaps our minds (a bit more comprehensive than the brain) has re organised the framework to this instant nano world. And perhaps that is a good thing too but we must pause an "instant" to think that does the world underlying the one we have created, move that quick too.
To the best of my knowledge birth has not upgraded ever since it first came to be... gestation not quite so much either.

In the new world, with this new language, have we missed the voice of the baby... just arriving into our world, with a certain pre coded expectation, wait scratch that... pre coded imperative for survival. have we achieved such unconscious competence in this instant world that we are blinded to the intrinsic need of the baby.

It is a common belief that babies don't know much, feel much, understand much. True ! However, they know exactly what is relevant to them at that age. And more importantly they are able to completely understand what the world presents to them in the relevant context... relevant to that age. Moreover it creates the steeping stone to the next development. You cannot read a book without knowing the alphabet.

The simplest example of this would be their vision is 8 to 10". Sure they don't need to more since they are not going to be driving a car. What is relevant to them at this age is to see and begin to know who is holding them.
That helps them know they are safe - security is the foundation of learning
That helps them know the people around them - foundation of social interactions
That allows them to exercise the vision and all its corresponding systems.. nerves, muscles, processing unit - physical and mental development.

Often I hear doctors say " the baby needs to be in observation". I see the anxious parents nod their head and stand outside large glass windows watching their baby "observed". Hooked on to monitoring devices, beeping away, the baby cries and then falls asleep.

After an hour or one too many, the baby is brought, sleeping and wrapped for the family's inspection.
There is enough research floating around to say babies take some time to transition into their new world and depending on a multitude of factors, each baby will regulate in his or her own time. But all research says that they will regulate better in close contact with the mother and not away from her.

http://www.nbci.ca/index.php?option=com_content&id=82:the-importance-of-skin-to-skin-contact-&Itemid=17

Are we adding yet another weight to the burden of adaptation but offering isolation instead of reassurance?

The most compelling argument that I have heard for keeping the baby away from the mother is at a fancy mother baby speciality hospital..

As the mother asked for her baby, the expert (doctor) explained 'The baby was being fed by the umbilical cord about 10 minutes ago so doesn't need food. Why don't you and the baby get some rest' (in your fancy private bedroom i.e. deluxe room for the mum and advanced tech nursery for the baby).

You don't say !!!

Still coming to terms with this one... of course the mum is food counter for the baby.. nothing more!!! Big Yay to breast pumps.